A Million and One Tears and Kisses: ONESHOT
by Panda-Hiroko
Summary: Through the tears, through the years. Between forced smiles and hidden sobs. Family sticks together no matter what because blood is thicker than water.


**PandaFlower: Disregarding all the info we learned on Kanda recently this is what I originally thought should happen.**

A Million and One Tears and Kisses

Kanda gazed down tenderly at the little girl snuggled in his arms, sleeping peacefully. She had just turned ten today. The party was magnificent though small and confined to the two of them, they'd played games and hugged and eaten rich foods and hugged some more and Kanda had showered her with a million and one gifts picked up from all kinds of places. And now he held her gently while she drifted off to sleep and murmured prayers of love and protection from his native country, sending them to the Gods of his childhood. To Gods that actually cared about their people.

"Exorcist Yu Kanda, it is time to leave," an impersonal but blessedly low voice intoned from the doorway. The Crow watched him impassively for a moment before sweeping out of the room, sensing the man's need for a private goodbye with his daughter. He only got to see her once a month after all, why begrudge him the little time Central allowed?

Kanda eased off the little bed and lovingly pulled up the covers to the little girl's chin and kissed her brow, "I love you Sanae." He petted her hair -lovely black hair just like his own- and left the room before he realized that she'd been awake.

Sanae turned and buried her face in her pillow, letting out quiet sobs, "I love you too Daddy," she sniffed, trying to stem her tears. Determined to be brave but they still fell anyway.

When he finally stumbled onto the private train car he couldn't keep the tears in anymore and fell to his knees sobbing his heart out. The Crow laid his hand on Kanda's shoulder; he always hated this part of the escort mission, when the proud man buckled under the sorrow that threatened to drown him. He always volunteered to escort Kanda to see his daughter; it gave him an odd tingle of pleasure to reunite two people cruelly forced apart, to see the happiness between them overflow to bursting. His mentor taught him that children were God's gift to the world, he didn't agree with Central using a man's little girl against him. But he kept silent lest he make things worse for both the Exorcist and his daughter and himself.

"You need to pull yourself together Exorcist. There is an Ark Gate at the next station to take us to the Jordan camp. You wouldn't want anyone to see you like this," the words were impersonal and emotionless but the Crow genuinely meant them as comfort. It wasn't like he could tell him everything was going to be okay, everything was _not_ okay.

Kanda pulled himself up without a word and settled himself on the seat, dejectedly trying to sleep. He knew that the next station would take a full day to reach. His dreams, as always, were of _that_ day.

_Tiny fingers reaching out grasp larger calloused ones, inquisitive baby blue eyes meeting his own with surprising solemnity beneath wisps of black waves. He could already tell that while she had his hair she would definitely look like her mother. Her beautiful mother._

_Yu smiled down at his baby girl as he lifted her out of the crib and into his arms. He was a father now, a_ father_!_

_The baby gurgled loudly and Yu shushed her gently, affectionately, "Now now, my dear, your mother is sleeping see?"He pointed to the woman laying on the hospital bed right next to the crib, "She's very tired, it's exhausting work bringing an angel down from heaven you know." The baby reached up with her tiny grasping hands and touched his cheeks. "Yes, my dear, that means you," Kanda chuckled softly when the tiny hands tugged on his long hair, "Did you know? You're name is Sanae and I'm going to be your daddy." He settled himself on a chair by the bedside, one hand unwinding from around the baby girl to hold his wife's hand. "Yes, I'm going to be your daddy," he said softly, "I'm going to be the best daddy in the whole world, I promise."_

_A sudden screeching overhead brought him to attention with a start and Sanae started to cry, he laid her carefully in the arms of his awakened wife; Kyoko, and drew Mugen determinedly. No way was an Akuma going to get anywhere near his family._

_But they seemed to come in never ending swarms! For every one he cut down three would spring in its place! He was losing energy quickly, he was heavily wounded and his vision was starting to tunnel from blood loss. The Maternity Ward was in ruins and still he pushed himself until the unthinkable happened._

_An Akuma slipped past him and fired on his family, the world seemed to slow down sickeningly as the blood bullet sped towards his family. A cry rose in his throat as Kyoko turned and accepted the brunt of the attack in her back, shielding Sanae to her last breath. Yu's eyes widened and watered, his throat still tearing from his heart wrenching cry of denial and sorrow. A hand still stretched outward as if that action alone would prevent the inevitable as his beautiful wife dissolved into powder._

_A rage like ever before engulfed his sense with a torrent of vengeance and anger and grief and he laid destruction about himself as if possessed by an avenging Angel until he couldn't hear the whir of machinery any longer._

_He lay, panting and crying, in a puddle of his own blood desperately trying to reach his distressed daughter. A cool, trembling hand touched his shoulder and he looked up at one of the nurse looking a little worse for wear holding his baby girl, he sighed with relief when she put Sanae in his arms. The baby quieted immediately, tugging on his hair again. Saline gems made tracks through the dirt and blood smudged across his face when he realized that this was probably the last time he would ever hold his baby girl like this again._

"_Take care of her," Yu begged the nurse, "please, take care of her!" the nurse nodded reassuringly, laying a hand on his shoulder._

_Yu looked down at his daughter who seemed to sense that something was wrong, she'd started to hiccup in distress, "I'm sorry, Sanae. I broke my promise, I'm not going to be here to be the best daddy in the whole world," he smile brokenly and hugged her tighter, "But I swear that I will be the best guardian angel in all the heavens and no matter what I will always be there to protect you. I swear!"Yu could feel death encroaching in his limbs, they were going slack and the nurse took Sanae from his arms. As death stole his last breaths he saw Kyoko reaching out to embrace him._

Kanda woke with a subtle start. Pushing back more sobs deep in his throat.

He remembered when he woke up as a second, when he started to regain his old memories he swore to find his daughter but Central found her first. He had no reason to work for the Order if they hadn't taken his angel hostage. Raised by kindly nuns and her tuition and health paid for and looked after but taken hostage none the less.

The Crow that sat across from him was gone and the train was coming to a stop, Kanda sighed and dragged his weary body to the Ark Gate, mentally preparing himself for the battle ahead.

"I don't care! I no longer hold any trust for the amount of control you hold over the Noah! You are to be executed immediately!" Leverier shouted wildly, glaring accusingly at the injured Exorcist swaying on his feet before the crowd. Allen could barely keep himself conscious let alone on his feet, Madarao was doing his best to support him. "Exorcist Yu Kanda kill that heretic immediately!" spittle flew from the madman's lips as he shouted.

Kanda looked him directly in the eyes and spoke his word of rebellion, "No."

Leverier recoiled as if slapped before a twisted smirk crawled across his face, "I thought you would say that. Luckily I brought some persuasion," he gestured imperiously and the doors opened to reveal an apologetic Crow, the same one who always escorted him, holding the hand of his daughter Sanae who looked to be suppressing tears.

"No!" Kanda cried, unconsciously taking a step forward, "You bastard! How dare you threaten Sanae!"

"Care to rethink your statement?" Leverier asked gleefully, "Or something positively dreadful may happen to her…?"

Kanda's breath hitched and his shoulders slumped in defeat, taking no notice of the sympathetic and shocked gazes directed his way and the angry horrified glares directed at the Inspector. Kanda turned towards Allen, shakily drawing Mugen. "Please," Kanda said, shocking everyone, "Take her out of here. I don't want her to have to see this." _I don't want her to see me kill an innocent man because you used her against me._

Allen tilted his chin upwards slightly, an invitation, "It's okay Kanda. Don't cry, you're only adding to his victory," belatedly Kanda realized that he was indeed crying. Though he didn't know it, the whole of Headquarters were sending their hearts out to the stoic young man. They all knew that there was a reason he was so unapproachable, now they knew and it tore them to pieces inside.

Mugen was shaking in his hand, as if the Innocence itself was protesting on his behalf as he laid the blade against Allen's chest, sending out sparks and causing him to drop it with a hiss. The Innocence did not approve of Leverier and it had had enough of him causing sorrow to his Accommodator and his kin's Accommodators.

Leverier growled with impatience and grabbed Sanae by her lovely long black hair, so like Kanda's own, and gave it a harsh yank. She cried in pain and Kanda whipped around, trying to reach her.

What they didn't expect was the Crow needles slicing through the Inspector's hand and forcing him to release the girl. The Crow by the doorway pulled out another charm and bound the madman with paper seals mercilessly. Tight enough to cut off his circulation. Leverier fell under the immense weight of the seals, not even Link could suppress the satisfaction of seeing the man getting a taste of his own medicine.

"Exorcist Yu Kanda!" the Crow called, "Don't you have a heretic to kill?" the cry was taken up by many a finder and scientist, "Yes! The heretic should die!"

Kanda couldn't keep the feral grin down though he didn't want to scare Sanae, retrieving Mugen he stepped up the seething zealous Inspector, "Sanae dear, don't watch," he said and the little girl rushed to bury he face in his back, clutching hard at his uniform jacket.

Sanae had never actually seen her father in uniform; he refused to wear it when he went to visit her. She knew her father meant for her to leave the room but she didn't care, she'd wished for years for her daddy to just get rid of the bad men that took her away from him. Kanda had thought he'd kept the true depth of the situation away from her ears but she was a very smart little girl and the nuns didn't believe in coddling children needlessly. Sanae felt acutely the pain of being an exploited weakness and now it was all going to end today.

Mugen fell with a dull splat and was then dropped with a metallic clatter as Kanda turned to lift his daughter into his arms and cradle her against his chest and breath in the scent of her hair as he tried not to let her know he was still crying. She was currently sobbing into his shoulder and he needed to be strong for his little girl.

"Daddy?" she asked quietly, pulling away to look him in the eye with her bright black button eyes just like her mothers. "Yes, my dear?"

She grinned widely, one of her front teeth missing, "You're the best daddy in the whole world!" she clutched him tighter and buried her face in his neck. A soft smile drew his lips upward as Kanda held her, oblivious to the audience crying with them, "Yeah, just like I promised," he breathed softly.

The End

**PandaFlower: Is it not the most happy sad thing you've ever read?**

**HirokoHana: Don't you mean bittersweet?**

**PandaFlower: Whatev' please review.**


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